i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
