he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
