I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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