can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
