girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
