Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
