dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
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soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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