Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
