This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
