We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
