The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
