In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
