grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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