Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
