Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
