mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
