Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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