What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
