Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i will never coherently bang her
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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