Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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