Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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