she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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