I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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