If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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