Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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