We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
