Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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