That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
