This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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