I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You've changed since you got that strap on
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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