I wish you could order shots online.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
