Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
