You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
