I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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