And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
