I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
