The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize