Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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