New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
