I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
