oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
