remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
