Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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