FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
