He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
