I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize