He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
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I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
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SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize