I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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