You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i think i just lost a toe
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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