Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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