you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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