saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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