At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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