there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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