I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
