My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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