oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My dick has a subreddit
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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