If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
