You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
