This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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