Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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