i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
