I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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