no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
it was like eating out sand paper
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
