One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
