Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Is it because I queefed?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
the liver wants what the liver wants
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
